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The Freedom To Be – It’s All in A Look

It was the look on his face when I told him it was free…

” No really, kid, you can have this. Enjoy, and remember to share it with someone special.” I said with a wink and a smile waving goodbye while trying to hide the fact that this 16 year old kid had just changed my life forever with one simple look.

The Fairytale Blend

He came aboard The Free Tea Bus at Last Thursday in Portland.  He was reluctant, yet curious.  “Is this really for free?” He asked before coming aboard with 2 friends in tow.  “Yep! We’ve got homemade cupcakes and cinnamon rolls too.”  I say playing the tea hostess.  They came in and sat down taking the warm cups of The Fairytale Blend I had ready to go.  Asking for their story, the young man goes on to tell me that him and one of his friends with him had just graduated a drug rehab center nearby. ” Congratulations! ” I shouted trying to take in the information. Feeling stunned. I would’ve never thought…  Here were these teenagers, that given their appearance, I would’ve pinned them for being a part of a youth group of some sort.  Maybe this is true also, but the reality was that this young man had already been through a certain amount of experience, and by age 16.  My heart went out.

I didn’t ask about their stories with the drugs or which drugs.  What kind, didn’t matter and something told me to lay off the subject and just enjoy whatever they wanted to share.  So I did. To be honest, I don’t remember much about it.  I don’t even remember their names.  However, does that matter when his face is emblazoned in my memory?  Though his name forgotten, his face remains famous in my inner world.

In our last exchange before they left the bus, is when it happened.  “Do you mind if I could have a little bit of this tea to take with me?”  He asked. “You know what?  I’ll do you one better.  Let me make you up a few bags of this to have more than just one cup for later.  One condition though, you have to share.”  Is all I remember saying before I saw his eyes light up before me, triggering the rest of his face to light up in a way that reached deep into my Soul and said, “Ally, this is why you are alive. This look right here, is all that matters…just remember.”

Last Thursday in Portland, Oregon

As I made up the bags, I was taken back to countless memories flowing through me of that same look in the eyes of others I had come to pass throughout my life, including myself.  What did these looks all have in common?  They were the look of pure, innocent happiness.  Why?  They came from experiences when a person felt the freedom and joy to be who they are without having to earn it.  It usually came in times of receiving an unexpected gift or favor.  Those experiences of spontaneous generosity that leave the person on the receiving end feeling an ease about themselves. It’s an ease I can only describe like this – when a person feels the deep satisfaction to be who they are and that is ‘good enough.’  I am… simply enough, to receive whatever it is that is being given in this moment.  I don’t have to work for it.  I don’t have to do something first to earn it. I don’t need to “DO” anything.  I am just me and look at what Life is giving me for just showing up:)

Already feeling highly inspired from Rootstalk, this solidified that inspiration into something more concrete.  I had just spent a week serving free tea and seeing countless looks like his, but for some reason it took his to make me understand why the idea of giving something for free had me feeling so good.  So what did I do with all this inspiration?  I sat with it… for a bit.  I needed to reflect on it all – What Can I Do? or is it really all about just “being me,” or maybe there is a balance?  So I headed north to a little island known as San Juan.  A place and a home that became the stage for one of my most memorable transformations of my life thus far.  Here, I knew I could get some good R&R from the hustle and bustle of festival living, traveling and cities. Which I had spent the past 2 1/2  weeks in having made a stop in Seattle to visit my community of friends there.

While on the island, the idea of “Free” kept coming to mind.  What does it mean to freely give…of anything? My last few days on the island is when it all became clear.  The question of ” What Can I Do?” began being answered…and I’m not sure where it will go or what it all means. All I know right now is, it is the beginning of something.  Something inside of me that I can’t deny sharing with the world.  Whatever it is.  Whatever it becomes.  Whatever I choose to do with it, or not do – I am, simply being me.

Here’s to be Being Who We Are -Freely!

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Posted by on November 5, 2011 in Gypsy Adventures

 

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The Day in The Life of Grateful Sadness

What is Grateful Sadness?  To me, it is a cozy, warm, calm sensation that speaks from deep within our being.  I recognize it as deep satisfaction and fulfillment from how greatly we’ve been touched by our current experiences as we are in the midst of letting them go.  It is the sound of life moving on while deeply appreciating it.

Sometimes we need our friends to convince us of doing what is best for ourselves because it is hard facing certain feelings, like sadness, that are difficult to address alone.  As I’ve come to know myself, I know I need time, space and aloneness between very impactful, touching experiences to reflect upon them.  To take time sifting through the beautiful moments that became lasting memories as they chiseled their way into my heart while I joyously lived them completely oblivious to their affect.

Today I woke up knowing of what was coming.  The last of us would be remaining as we saw another friend off on his own adventure.  This is the way of the nomadic, gypsy lifestyle.  Coming together enjoying community, sharing, delving into deep conversations to boost our self discovery and of course, serving.  The “end” comes along and we are each swept away by our Personal Legends calling upon us to go this way or that.

Just a week ago, there was 13 of us joined together for a grand occassion…today there remains just 2…slowly closing in on our own parting.  After saying our tradition of “see you later,” I felt a rush kick in to head on to my next destination where my Seattle family awaits my arrival.  Where was this coming from though?  As I mentioned the idea to my fellow remaining nomad, he pointed out I should stay for the weekend and not run off.  To let the experience digest for a while and enjoy the time of aloneness.  Something hadn’t felt right about leaving so soon, and the kind of intensity behind the feeling, I recognized as common avoidance to the feelings that were bellowing up inside of me – Grateful Sadness -The last two of us chose to go to the local coffee shop we had staked out just days before as a foursome to be our communal hangout/office space for our stay in Portland, Oregon.

We sit down at a table for two after buying sweet treats and chai and I hear myself say, “Rich, I think I’m sad.”  “Me too.” He replies, and as I take a bite of the delicious cookie we just bought, I begin to cry.  Rich, understanding, reaches out for me and I cry as he holds me close, telling me that he too, feels the same sadness. He speaks to me about the importance of community and how after strong experiences with it along the road we need time in-between to just rest in it all.  “It’s the paradox of Oneness and being only one.”  The time for togetherness and the time for aloneness.  He emphasizes that today is one of aloneness for me and to soak it up for all it’s worth.  What happens is, we’ve been so deeply touched by our communal oneness, taking the time to reflect helps us process all we’ve learned and gained from each other.  This is a time for cultivation within ourselves in order to share even more of our individual one-ness with the oneness of the whole.

While sitting there crying and listening to his words, I knew I’d get here.  Get to this place of writing about it.  The outlet that really helps me understand myself as I discover Who I am in relation to ‘whatever’ as I sit writing my feelings, thoughts, ideas and opinions about my experiences.  So here I am. Sitting in the same seat. At the same table. In the same coffee shop. I sat here just 3 days before with 3 friends – sharing pie, sharing laughs, sharing opinions, conversation and internet time.  Now… I sit alone. It’s kinda perfect though, as the coffee shop plays music to fit my mood like a comforting, encouraging friend saying “C’mon, Ally…just feel yourself through it.”  So I am.  I am gratefully sad today, and here’s why…

I just came from an amazing experience spent with brothers and sisters I didn’t know I had until I showed up to meet them in this lifetime around.   My dear friend Guisepi,  travels around serving free tea along the western sea-board with his faithfully, open mate – Edna Lu – The Tea Bus.  This summer, Guisepi had been asked by one of his big sponsors, Mountain Rose Herbs, to run a Free Tea Pavillion during their Rootstalk Festival in Salem, Oregon which is all about celebrating plants, planet and people.

When Guisepi received the request from Mountain Rose, he immediately called upon his fellow nomad and gypsy friends to come help out and hang out for the week.  With a couple of weeks to go, he finally had his chosen crew and another cosmic family was brought together again.  Meet the crew!

Suzette, Rosie, Daruka, Rich, Gregory, Em, Candace, Johnny, Jade, Sarah and I had the luxury of camping out, serving free tea to our Rootstalk guests for 4 beautiful days with Edna and Guisepi at the beautiful 4-H Center located outside of Salem, Oregon. The festival was filled with music, art, storytelling, local-organic food and upcycled goods for sale.  There were workshops covering all sorts of topics and practices on self-sustainability from at-home herbalism and wild-harvesting to mass conscious environmentalism and community building.  Saturday night, we celebrated with a masquerade ball kicked off with a Samba parade, a fire dancing show to follow and live music for dancing.  Our tea tent was happily packed to the brim for the occasion.

Enjoy viewing our Rootstalk experience here 😉

 
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Posted by on October 3, 2011 in Eco Travel, Gypsy Adventures

 

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